Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize