i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
