They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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