I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
