i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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