So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
