i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
