we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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