I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I smell stomach acid.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
