i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
