This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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