After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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