I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
