Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize