If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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