there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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