Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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