I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
