Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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