yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
