i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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