i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
