I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
