the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
