First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
