Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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