just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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