I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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