Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
