New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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