When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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