so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
