I think i sorta joined a cult last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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