My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
