let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize