so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
