six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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