i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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