The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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