The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
