that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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