I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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