your parents love me but you hate me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
