My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
