can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
