In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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