i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
