Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize