Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
