you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
