If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm at about main and main street
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize