I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
