Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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