don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
