Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
