You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
