I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
