and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
