Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
