so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
