i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
