If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
