He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
