He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
