Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
