I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Let's get the cat blown out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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