There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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