this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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