and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
