If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
