Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
