They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
