You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
