There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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