Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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