hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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