yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
