Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
