OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
