my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
