Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
