I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
