I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
