My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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