he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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