Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
