Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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