sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
