Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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