His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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