His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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