shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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