who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
