I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
