the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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