My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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