if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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