Well apparently he's into motor boating.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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