Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
