How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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