i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
