you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
