Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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