that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
