There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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